Review of “Tell Me You Love Me”
We have to acknowledge the elephant first: There are wholly naked people having sex in the new HBO series “Tell Me You Love Me.” Of the four couples, three of them have sex often during the hour-long show. Sex is the theme, the pulse, the flesh of this series. It is the lead player. In 2007, Americans continue to have a duplicitous perception of sexuality on display. We want to see it (find out how other people deal with it, compare what we do in bed), but we are ashamed of our desires. This leaves us to be voyeurs, the perfect audience for shows that can be watched in darkened houses behind closed doors.
“Tell Me You Love Me” explores the lives of three couples ranging in age from their 20’s to 40’s. The bonus relationship is that of a sixty-something couple married over forty years. Each duo has an active sex life, with the exception of the fortyish husband and wife with young children. The sex is spontaneous, not posed. There are no romantic set ups, breasts stuffed into corsets, or size tens squashed into size six stilettos. What occurs is raw, passionate and believable. In its lead roll, sex enters and departs without applause, but its essence never leaves the set.
Jaime and Hugo are a young couple planning their wedding. Disparate opinions about commitment and fidelity surface when Hugo asks, “Do you really think you’re never going to be attracted to anyone else for the rest of your life?” The relationship breaks down, even though sex makes a cameo appearance more than once as they struggle to communicate individual beliefs and concerns. The thirty-something couple, Carolyn and Palek, are professionals with money, the showy house, and an abiding love. Their problem is infertility. Sex appears frequently with this couple, always hitting its mark, and causing strain and confusion in its dual role: The expression of genuine intimacy and the deliberate method for achieving a goal. With the forty-something pair, sex does not take the lead. Instead, it silently supports Dave and Katie’s growing anxiety over their individual and collective lives. There is intimacy here. It is tangible. And it exists without sex as a participant. But sex is needed, the couple just can’t remember how to ask it to come out and play.
The show boasts an ensemble cast of prolific actors, writers and directors. Cynthia Mort is an executive producer and writer for the series. She has written for film (“The Brave One,” “The Valley of the Dolls”) and television (“Will and Grace,” “Roseanne”). Patricia Rozema (“I’ve Heard the Mermaids Singing” and “Mansfield Park”) directs several of the episodes combining her feminist eye with Mort’s raw vision to take the series beyond the focus of sex. The issues that are revealed about each couple show a willingness to bare all, to dramatize the secrets that people spend lifetimes hiding.
“Tell Me You Love Me” marks a departure from the stimulation of voyeurism that seeks a glance at unfamiliar sexual relationships. In recent years, shows like “Queer as Folk,” “The L Word,” and “Big Love” have targeted homosexual and polygamous relationships with sex as one of the stars. Mort’s creation turns the analytical spotlight on heterosexuals. The show questions the feasibility of monogamy, whether or not a marriage can survive without sex, and how a couple accepts the failure of sex to live up to its promise.
“I should be pregnant and I’m not.” Carolyn, played by Sonya Walger who has appeared in “The Mind of a Married Man” and “Lost,” is obsessed with getting pregnant. She demands sex from Palek (Adam Scott, “Knocked Up” and “Monster-In-Law”) causing a strain in the otherwise happy marriage that may be irreparable if a baby is not produced. Hugo and Jaime, played by Luke Kirby (“Halloween 8: Resurrection”) and Michelle Borth (“Supernatural”) represent the unsettled alliance: They are impulsive and unsure about their union even with the furious sex in which they frequently engage. The desperation expressed in their love-making is not only on the surface. What lies deeper are issues that require attention and resolution before a marriage can take place.
The writers take an unexpected approach with Dave (Tim DeKay of “Swordfish” and “If These Walls Could Talk”), the husband and father of two who is reluctant to initiate or even discuss sex with his wife, Katie ( Alley Walker, “While You Were Sleeping”). It is Katie’s decision to enter therapy that sparks a reaction in her husband.
Therapy is where the couples are connected. Dr. May Foster (Jane Alexander of “Testament” and “Kramer vs. Kramer”) is in her sixties and has been married for forty-three years. She has a distinctive therapeutic style that makes use of the silences frustrated couples create. “What’s your sex like?” It’s a question that the therapist knows will cause her subjects to rumble internally and she soaks in their physical and, eventual, verbal reactions. Her experience with marriage and sex goes beyond her practice, it is her life. The most interesting part of the program’s composition, is that May and her husband, Arthur (actor David Selby “Mind of the Married Man” and “Ally McBeal”), the oldest members of this cast of couples, have the best sex in the show. It is intense, creative, and satisfying. May would do no harm to her clients if she shared the secrets of her marriage with them.
While sex does good work in this 10-episode series, it is not as effective as HBO’s promotional department believes it to be. Yes, sex is the draw, the big name that everyone knows. But love is the true star. It is present in the uncertainty each couple wrestles with and also evident in the genuine attempts they make to figure out problems and work things out. Even when sex is present, love shows itself in the spontaneity, the frustration and fear. It is refreshing to see creators of fantasy tackle real life with sincerity and grace.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Writing Sample: Business
Sub-contractors Library Services Orientation:
Dealing with Difficult People at Client-sites
As a sub-contractor you will work with many different people at client sites. Most of your interactions with the client contact and others employed by the client will be professional and pleasant. On occasion, there will be interactions with people that are difficult and tax your ability to be civil. Sub-contractors have reported many problems: being ignored by employees; questioned about their presence at the site, even when wearing appropriate identification; and having work withheld, leading to a decrease in billable hours. Problems with difficult people should be addressed. Ignoring the problem or pretending that it does not exist can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even anger. Working under such conditions may cause poor job performance, which will make our clients unhappy. The following steps will help you devise a strategy for working with difficult people:
Check Your Behavior
It is a good idea to assess your own behavior before initiating discussion about a problem relationship on the job.
Could there be issues with your personal behavior or job performance?
Are there problems with communication?
Have you been in a bad mood lately?
Are you failing to complete tasks as indicated in the client contract?
Once you have identified your role in the problem, simply changing your own behavior could rectify it. If the relationship continues to be difficult, seek assistance from a third party.
Ask For Help
If the person you are having trouble with is not the client contact, discuss the problem with the contact. He or she may be able to provide you with some insight about the person you are having problems with and help you come up with appropriate ways of dealing with that person.
If the difficult person is the designated client contact, discuss the issue with your Supervisor. She will have experience with them and can help you come up with coping skills to resolve the issue.
Coping With the Problem
Focus on the human element. Try to find something in common with the difficult person.
Be complimentary.
Ask questions that will allow the person to teach you something about the tasks you manage, his or her job, or the company itself.
If the person continues to be distant or hostile, steer clear of him or her as often as possible.
Make friends with other people at the site with whom you share common interests.
Keep your client contact and/or your off-site supervisor apprised of the situation, especially if the problem escalates.
You Have a Choice
Your new coping skills may help you continue to work at the site, particularly if you enjoy the assignment and other people who work with you. If, however, you feel you have tried every option and the problem has not been resolved, you may request a new assignment. Depending on staff availability, your skills, and the current needs of our clients, you can be transferred to another site within 1-4 weeks of your request. It is important that you remain polite and professional whether you are staying at the site permanently or working until a new assignment becomes available.
As the face of the agency, sub-contractors develop relationships with clients that secure the company’s continued success. Problems in the field need to be addressed immediately so that satisfactory resolutions can be implemented.
Dealing with Difficult People at Client-sites
As a sub-contractor you will work with many different people at client sites. Most of your interactions with the client contact and others employed by the client will be professional and pleasant. On occasion, there will be interactions with people that are difficult and tax your ability to be civil. Sub-contractors have reported many problems: being ignored by employees; questioned about their presence at the site, even when wearing appropriate identification; and having work withheld, leading to a decrease in billable hours. Problems with difficult people should be addressed. Ignoring the problem or pretending that it does not exist can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even anger. Working under such conditions may cause poor job performance, which will make our clients unhappy. The following steps will help you devise a strategy for working with difficult people:
Check Your Behavior
It is a good idea to assess your own behavior before initiating discussion about a problem relationship on the job.
Could there be issues with your personal behavior or job performance?
Are there problems with communication?
Have you been in a bad mood lately?
Are you failing to complete tasks as indicated in the client contract?
Once you have identified your role in the problem, simply changing your own behavior could rectify it. If the relationship continues to be difficult, seek assistance from a third party.
Ask For Help
If the person you are having trouble with is not the client contact, discuss the problem with the contact. He or she may be able to provide you with some insight about the person you are having problems with and help you come up with appropriate ways of dealing with that person.
If the difficult person is the designated client contact, discuss the issue with your Supervisor. She will have experience with them and can help you come up with coping skills to resolve the issue.
Coping With the Problem
Focus on the human element. Try to find something in common with the difficult person.
Be complimentary.
Ask questions that will allow the person to teach you something about the tasks you manage, his or her job, or the company itself.
If the person continues to be distant or hostile, steer clear of him or her as often as possible.
Make friends with other people at the site with whom you share common interests.
Keep your client contact and/or your off-site supervisor apprised of the situation, especially if the problem escalates.
You Have a Choice
Your new coping skills may help you continue to work at the site, particularly if you enjoy the assignment and other people who work with you. If, however, you feel you have tried every option and the problem has not been resolved, you may request a new assignment. Depending on staff availability, your skills, and the current needs of our clients, you can be transferred to another site within 1-4 weeks of your request. It is important that you remain polite and professional whether you are staying at the site permanently or working until a new assignment becomes available.
As the face of the agency, sub-contractors develop relationships with clients that secure the company’s continued success. Problems in the field need to be addressed immediately so that satisfactory resolutions can be implemented.
Writing Sample: Essay
Our Turn
I’m through with black men. I spent too much of 2007 standing up for them and I’m tired.
I wore black on Sept. 20th in support of the Jena 6 March. I said a quiet, “Thank God,” when Genarlow Wilson, the Georgia man convicted as a teenager for having oral sex with a girl two years his junior, was released from prison. And I forgave Michael Vick after he owned up to his mistake. But when I heard in November of the young black man in Brooklyn, NY being killed by police after threatening his mother, I was done.
There are too many cases; too many incidents of black men putting themselves in situations where they can be mistreated or discriminated against. I can’t stand in support of all of them. And I can’t continue taking my focus away from black women who are being harmed, often fatally, and frequently by the same black men that I champion.
While the black community has united around hate crimes and the unfair treatment of black men by the legal system, we ignore the problem of violence in our own homes. According to the U. S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS), from 1993-2004 nonfatal acts of violence perpetrated by intimate partners was higher for black women than white women. And in 2005 the BJS found that 38% of black female victims were acquainted with their attackers. As black women stand in support of black men, it is important that these same men take note of what is happening to the women beside them.
For the better part of 2007, Americans were distracted by the cases of Vick, Wilson, and the Jena 6. Meanwhile, black women were being raped, beaten, and murdered.
I heard about the rape and torture of the Dunbar Village mother in Florida by a group of black teenagers from a colleague, not through the news. When I found the story online and read the details of the crime, I tried to understand why this happened. It was a useless exercise.
Reading about Megan Williams of West Virginia who was also raped and tortured, but by six white men and women, was almost unbearable. The perpetrators actions were beyond evil.
A few weeks ago I found evidence of this same, senseless evil activity in my own state. A Georgia man was arrested for dismembering his girlfriend and scattering her body parts around Newton County, less than an hour from where I live. Leslyan Williams’ head and torso are still missing and media coverage remains scarce. But Vick’s sentencing hearing sparked the organization of a pray vigil in Atlanta.
Black women choose to march and pray for troubled black men, but when will it be our turn? How long must we wait before civil rights groups organize marches and rallies in protest against the destruction of the mothers of our race? How long before our men step up and lead the charge to re-educate and re-program young black boys in the ways to love and appreciate black women? How long do we wait before the decent black men who know a friend, a brother, or a father who is harming a girlfriend or a wife, intervene to stop the violence?
Press releases concerning Vick and the Jena 6 appear on the National Association of the Advancement of Colored People’s (NAACP) website. There was no mention of the Dunbar Village mom or Megan Williams, but there is encouragement to forgive Vick: “As a society we should aid in his rehabilitation and welcome a new Michael Vick back into the community without a permanent loss of his career in football,” the message read. In a September 10th press release, the NAACP explains its role in coordinating the Jena 6 March.
There was not a march for the Florida mother or the Georgia woman, but there was a march for Megan on November 3, 2007. In a statement released October 4th, Megan’s attorneys called for the Justice Department to “intervene on the Megan Williams’ case if black people are to have any protection under Federal Hate Crime Statutes."
Perhaps the race of her violators is the reason that a march even took place.
The stories of black women affected by violence must be brought to the forefront. We cannot afford for our suffering to remain two lines in the ticker tape at the bottom of a news program.
In Darfur, the brutal assault of women is a war tactic, a strategy for genocide. Wombs are purposefully damaged, often leaving the women disabled or dead.
When women are destroyed, the race, the ethnic group is also destroyed. Who will Black America blame when this happens to us?
I guess as long as Michael Vick gets to play again, it doesn’t really matter.
I’m through with black men. I spent too much of 2007 standing up for them and I’m tired.
I wore black on Sept. 20th in support of the Jena 6 March. I said a quiet, “Thank God,” when Genarlow Wilson, the Georgia man convicted as a teenager for having oral sex with a girl two years his junior, was released from prison. And I forgave Michael Vick after he owned up to his mistake. But when I heard in November of the young black man in Brooklyn, NY being killed by police after threatening his mother, I was done.
There are too many cases; too many incidents of black men putting themselves in situations where they can be mistreated or discriminated against. I can’t stand in support of all of them. And I can’t continue taking my focus away from black women who are being harmed, often fatally, and frequently by the same black men that I champion.
While the black community has united around hate crimes and the unfair treatment of black men by the legal system, we ignore the problem of violence in our own homes. According to the U. S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS), from 1993-2004 nonfatal acts of violence perpetrated by intimate partners was higher for black women than white women. And in 2005 the BJS found that 38% of black female victims were acquainted with their attackers. As black women stand in support of black men, it is important that these same men take note of what is happening to the women beside them.
For the better part of 2007, Americans were distracted by the cases of Vick, Wilson, and the Jena 6. Meanwhile, black women were being raped, beaten, and murdered.
I heard about the rape and torture of the Dunbar Village mother in Florida by a group of black teenagers from a colleague, not through the news. When I found the story online and read the details of the crime, I tried to understand why this happened. It was a useless exercise.
Reading about Megan Williams of West Virginia who was also raped and tortured, but by six white men and women, was almost unbearable. The perpetrators actions were beyond evil.
A few weeks ago I found evidence of this same, senseless evil activity in my own state. A Georgia man was arrested for dismembering his girlfriend and scattering her body parts around Newton County, less than an hour from where I live. Leslyan Williams’ head and torso are still missing and media coverage remains scarce. But Vick’s sentencing hearing sparked the organization of a pray vigil in Atlanta.
Black women choose to march and pray for troubled black men, but when will it be our turn? How long must we wait before civil rights groups organize marches and rallies in protest against the destruction of the mothers of our race? How long before our men step up and lead the charge to re-educate and re-program young black boys in the ways to love and appreciate black women? How long do we wait before the decent black men who know a friend, a brother, or a father who is harming a girlfriend or a wife, intervene to stop the violence?
Press releases concerning Vick and the Jena 6 appear on the National Association of the Advancement of Colored People’s (NAACP) website. There was no mention of the Dunbar Village mom or Megan Williams, but there is encouragement to forgive Vick: “As a society we should aid in his rehabilitation and welcome a new Michael Vick back into the community without a permanent loss of his career in football,” the message read. In a September 10th press release, the NAACP explains its role in coordinating the Jena 6 March.
There was not a march for the Florida mother or the Georgia woman, but there was a march for Megan on November 3, 2007. In a statement released October 4th, Megan’s attorneys called for the Justice Department to “intervene on the Megan Williams’ case if black people are to have any protection under Federal Hate Crime Statutes."
Perhaps the race of her violators is the reason that a march even took place.
The stories of black women affected by violence must be brought to the forefront. We cannot afford for our suffering to remain two lines in the ticker tape at the bottom of a news program.
In Darfur, the brutal assault of women is a war tactic, a strategy for genocide. Wombs are purposefully damaged, often leaving the women disabled or dead.
When women are destroyed, the race, the ethnic group is also destroyed. Who will Black America blame when this happens to us?
I guess as long as Michael Vick gets to play again, it doesn’t really matter.
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