The Cost of Getting Out of Debt
March 30, 2008
Dealing with the Numbers
My credit card debt is twice that of the $9000 national average. My student loans…well let’s just say my $83,000 mortgage is considerably smaller. After hiding from my “numbers,” I realized that I needed a concrete plan to eliminate my debt and my fear of it.
Last month I took my first step out of fear and shame: I talked to a good friend about my debt. She turned me on to Dave Ramsey (http://www.daveramsey.com/). Ramsey has a radio show and financial counseling company that helps people eliminate debt. I borrowed Ramsey’s book, The Total Money Makeover, from my friend and got started.
During one of many discussions about debt management, my friend talked about purchasing other Ramsey products, some of which are over $300. I found this ironic.
“It’s funny,” I said during the phone call, “we’re trying to get out of debt, yet we’re being encouraged to spend more money.”
Debt elimination can be an expensive venture requiring research to determine the least financially daunting option.
Purchasing Financial Freedom
In a 2004 survey on consumer finances, the Federal Reserve Board revealed that over 46 percent of American families carry credit card balances. So, it is not surprising that many are seduced by the promises of financial self-help gurus.
Dave Ramsey, a survivor of massive debt, offers free information on his radio program and web site, including his signature “7 Baby Steps” principles; and he sales several products as well. The book I used to start my debt elimination program costs $14.95. Ramsey also offers a number of “kits”, such as The Financial Peace Home Study Plus that sales for $329.00. The latter is what my friend was considering. The parade of products appealed to her compulsive tendencies, a characteristic that many of us with heavy debt possess.
“The least expensive way [to get out of debt] is to knuckle down and make the decision to fix the mess…,” certified financial counselor Parker Thompson states. His company, Financial Focus, is located in Cumming, Georgia. “If it is a spending issue, fix it and cut back on spending.”
Consumers who get caught up in “the-call-to-buy” products like Ramsey’s may actually be sabotaging their efforts.
Credit Counseling, Debt Management and Consolidation
With the Federal Reserve Board projecting a 62 percent increase in outstanding credit card debt by 2010, Americans will find it harder to manage. As a result, many will seek assistance from agencies that focus on debt management and consolidation.
Consumer Credit Counseling Service of Greater Atlanta (CCCS) is a non-profit agency that “helped more than 400,000 Americans in 2007 and we project that approximately 600,000 Americans will utilize our services in 2008,” Scott Scredon, Director of Public Relations states.
Consumers are given recommendations on cutting expenses or increasing income and may enroll in the agencies debt management plan if their debt is too much to handle alone.
“Under this plan, we go to each creditor and establish a plan to pay off the person’s debt. The monthly payments from the individual vary based on the number of creditors involved, but the payments average $25 per month.”
While debt management programs such as CCCS of Greater Atlanta can be positive alternatives for debt reduction, they can also lead to negative marks on a consumer’s credit report depending on the policies of the companies that own the debt.
The preservation of credit scores and the promise of having all debt rolled into a single, low monthly payment often leads debtors to pursue consolidation loans. Thompson doesn’t recommend this route.
“Consolidation loans should be avoided. They do not change people’s behavior and they wind up in the same mess over and over.”
In addition to making it easier for consumers to continue with the behaviors that caused the trouble in the first place, consolidation loans may include unexpected fees, drain home equity, and expose consumers to expensive scams.
The Most Expensive Option
“The most expensive [plan for getting out of debt] is the bankruptcy option,” Thompson states. He is correct. In fact, this option has become more costly in recent years.
In October of 2005, a re-designed bankruptcy law went into effect. According to an article by Brigitte Yuille featured on Bankrate.com, “9 Bankruptcy Costs You Should Know About,” there has been a significant increase in filing fees: attorney ($6000 to $3500); mandatory credit counseling ($50 for pre and post filing sessions); and bankruptcy petition ($274-$299). Amendments to a petition increase the charges.
Even though bankruptcy negatively impacts credit for years, as Thompson recounts, some people prefer this option.
“One client still thinks it was the best thing he and his wife could have done. All their debt is gone and they are living in a brand new house, driving almost brand new cars. He does not want to talk about the double digit interest rates that he is paying on all three items.”
Doing It Yourself
My plan follows Ramsey’s: I have a budget, established a $1000 emergency fund, and embarked on a snowball plan paying off the smallest to largest balances. In the first six weeks I paid off one $1200 account and I am making a big dent in the balance that is next in line. I deviate slightly by saving $250 a month and paying into my Roth IRA with automatic transfers.
The process is slow, but it has changed my behavior. Most importantly, my plan doesn’t fund the lavish lifestyles of bankruptcy attorneys or financial gurus.
Helpful Web sites
Budget Templates:
Monthly
http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/templates/TC010233411033.aspx
Bi-weekly
http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/templates/TC300007261033.aspx?CategoryID=CT101172321033
Libraries
Libcat
http://www.librarysites.info/ (Get a library card and access the financial gurus’ expertise for free!)
Calculators
Debt repayment http://www.bankrate.com/brm/calc/creditcardpay.asp
Snowball plan http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx?country=us
Debt Elimination Seminar
Motley Fool’s How to Get Out of Debt Guide
http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx?country=us
Blogs
Debt Kid http://www.debtkid.com/
We’re In Debt http://wereindebt.com/
Free Money Finance http://wereindebt.com/
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Writing Sample: Critique
Review of “Tell Me You Love Me”
We have to acknowledge the elephant first: There are wholly naked people having sex in the new HBO series “Tell Me You Love Me.” Of the four couples, three of them have sex often during the hour-long show. Sex is the theme, the pulse, the flesh of this series. It is the lead player. In 2007, Americans continue to have a duplicitous perception of sexuality on display. We want to see it (find out how other people deal with it, compare what we do in bed), but we are ashamed of our desires. This leaves us to be voyeurs, the perfect audience for shows that can be watched in darkened houses behind closed doors.
“Tell Me You Love Me” explores the lives of three couples ranging in age from their 20’s to 40’s. The bonus relationship is that of a sixty-something couple married over forty years. Each duo has an active sex life, with the exception of the fortyish husband and wife with young children. The sex is spontaneous, not posed. There are no romantic set ups, breasts stuffed into corsets, or size tens squashed into size six stilettos. What occurs is raw, passionate and believable. In its lead roll, sex enters and departs without applause, but its essence never leaves the set.
Jaime and Hugo are a young couple planning their wedding. Disparate opinions about commitment and fidelity surface when Hugo asks, “Do you really think you’re never going to be attracted to anyone else for the rest of your life?” The relationship breaks down, even though sex makes a cameo appearance more than once as they struggle to communicate individual beliefs and concerns. The thirty-something couple, Carolyn and Palek, are professionals with money, the showy house, and an abiding love. Their problem is infertility. Sex appears frequently with this couple, always hitting its mark, and causing strain and confusion in its dual role: The expression of genuine intimacy and the deliberate method for achieving a goal. With the forty-something pair, sex does not take the lead. Instead, it silently supports Dave and Katie’s growing anxiety over their individual and collective lives. There is intimacy here. It is tangible. And it exists without sex as a participant. But sex is needed, the couple just can’t remember how to ask it to come out and play.
The show boasts an ensemble cast of prolific actors, writers and directors. Cynthia Mort is an executive producer and writer for the series. She has written for film (“The Brave One,” “The Valley of the Dolls”) and television (“Will and Grace,” “Roseanne”). Patricia Rozema (“I’ve Heard the Mermaids Singing” and “Mansfield Park”) directs several of the episodes combining her feminist eye with Mort’s raw vision to take the series beyond the focus of sex. The issues that are revealed about each couple show a willingness to bare all, to dramatize the secrets that people spend lifetimes hiding.
“Tell Me You Love Me” marks a departure from the stimulation of voyeurism that seeks a glance at unfamiliar sexual relationships. In recent years, shows like “Queer as Folk,” “The L Word,” and “Big Love” have targeted homosexual and polygamous relationships with sex as one of the stars. Mort’s creation turns the analytical spotlight on heterosexuals. The show questions the feasibility of monogamy, whether or not a marriage can survive without sex, and how a couple accepts the failure of sex to live up to its promise.
“I should be pregnant and I’m not.” Carolyn, played by Sonya Walger who has appeared in “The Mind of a Married Man” and “Lost,” is obsessed with getting pregnant. She demands sex from Palek (Adam Scott, “Knocked Up” and “Monster-In-Law”) causing a strain in the otherwise happy marriage that may be irreparable if a baby is not produced. Hugo and Jaime, played by Luke Kirby (“Halloween 8: Resurrection”) and Michelle Borth (“Supernatural”) represent the unsettled alliance: They are impulsive and unsure about their union even with the furious sex in which they frequently engage. The desperation expressed in their love-making is not only on the surface. What lies deeper are issues that require attention and resolution before a marriage can take place.
The writers take an unexpected approach with Dave (Tim DeKay of “Swordfish” and “If These Walls Could Talk”), the husband and father of two who is reluctant to initiate or even discuss sex with his wife, Katie ( Alley Walker, “While You Were Sleeping”). It is Katie’s decision to enter therapy that sparks a reaction in her husband.
Therapy is where the couples are connected. Dr. May Foster (Jane Alexander of “Testament” and “Kramer vs. Kramer”) is in her sixties and has been married for forty-three years. She has a distinctive therapeutic style that makes use of the silences frustrated couples create. “What’s your sex like?” It’s a question that the therapist knows will cause her subjects to rumble internally and she soaks in their physical and, eventual, verbal reactions. Her experience with marriage and sex goes beyond her practice, it is her life. The most interesting part of the program’s composition, is that May and her husband, Arthur (actor David Selby “Mind of the Married Man” and “Ally McBeal”), the oldest members of this cast of couples, have the best sex in the show. It is intense, creative, and satisfying. May would do no harm to her clients if she shared the secrets of her marriage with them.
While sex does good work in this 10-episode series, it is not as effective as HBO’s promotional department believes it to be. Yes, sex is the draw, the big name that everyone knows. But love is the true star. It is present in the uncertainty each couple wrestles with and also evident in the genuine attempts they make to figure out problems and work things out. Even when sex is present, love shows itself in the spontaneity, the frustration and fear. It is refreshing to see creators of fantasy tackle real life with sincerity and grace.
We have to acknowledge the elephant first: There are wholly naked people having sex in the new HBO series “Tell Me You Love Me.” Of the four couples, three of them have sex often during the hour-long show. Sex is the theme, the pulse, the flesh of this series. It is the lead player. In 2007, Americans continue to have a duplicitous perception of sexuality on display. We want to see it (find out how other people deal with it, compare what we do in bed), but we are ashamed of our desires. This leaves us to be voyeurs, the perfect audience for shows that can be watched in darkened houses behind closed doors.
“Tell Me You Love Me” explores the lives of three couples ranging in age from their 20’s to 40’s. The bonus relationship is that of a sixty-something couple married over forty years. Each duo has an active sex life, with the exception of the fortyish husband and wife with young children. The sex is spontaneous, not posed. There are no romantic set ups, breasts stuffed into corsets, or size tens squashed into size six stilettos. What occurs is raw, passionate and believable. In its lead roll, sex enters and departs without applause, but its essence never leaves the set.
Jaime and Hugo are a young couple planning their wedding. Disparate opinions about commitment and fidelity surface when Hugo asks, “Do you really think you’re never going to be attracted to anyone else for the rest of your life?” The relationship breaks down, even though sex makes a cameo appearance more than once as they struggle to communicate individual beliefs and concerns. The thirty-something couple, Carolyn and Palek, are professionals with money, the showy house, and an abiding love. Their problem is infertility. Sex appears frequently with this couple, always hitting its mark, and causing strain and confusion in its dual role: The expression of genuine intimacy and the deliberate method for achieving a goal. With the forty-something pair, sex does not take the lead. Instead, it silently supports Dave and Katie’s growing anxiety over their individual and collective lives. There is intimacy here. It is tangible. And it exists without sex as a participant. But sex is needed, the couple just can’t remember how to ask it to come out and play.
The show boasts an ensemble cast of prolific actors, writers and directors. Cynthia Mort is an executive producer and writer for the series. She has written for film (“The Brave One,” “The Valley of the Dolls”) and television (“Will and Grace,” “Roseanne”). Patricia Rozema (“I’ve Heard the Mermaids Singing” and “Mansfield Park”) directs several of the episodes combining her feminist eye with Mort’s raw vision to take the series beyond the focus of sex. The issues that are revealed about each couple show a willingness to bare all, to dramatize the secrets that people spend lifetimes hiding.
“Tell Me You Love Me” marks a departure from the stimulation of voyeurism that seeks a glance at unfamiliar sexual relationships. In recent years, shows like “Queer as Folk,” “The L Word,” and “Big Love” have targeted homosexual and polygamous relationships with sex as one of the stars. Mort’s creation turns the analytical spotlight on heterosexuals. The show questions the feasibility of monogamy, whether or not a marriage can survive without sex, and how a couple accepts the failure of sex to live up to its promise.
“I should be pregnant and I’m not.” Carolyn, played by Sonya Walger who has appeared in “The Mind of a Married Man” and “Lost,” is obsessed with getting pregnant. She demands sex from Palek (Adam Scott, “Knocked Up” and “Monster-In-Law”) causing a strain in the otherwise happy marriage that may be irreparable if a baby is not produced. Hugo and Jaime, played by Luke Kirby (“Halloween 8: Resurrection”) and Michelle Borth (“Supernatural”) represent the unsettled alliance: They are impulsive and unsure about their union even with the furious sex in which they frequently engage. The desperation expressed in their love-making is not only on the surface. What lies deeper are issues that require attention and resolution before a marriage can take place.
The writers take an unexpected approach with Dave (Tim DeKay of “Swordfish” and “If These Walls Could Talk”), the husband and father of two who is reluctant to initiate or even discuss sex with his wife, Katie ( Alley Walker, “While You Were Sleeping”). It is Katie’s decision to enter therapy that sparks a reaction in her husband.
Therapy is where the couples are connected. Dr. May Foster (Jane Alexander of “Testament” and “Kramer vs. Kramer”) is in her sixties and has been married for forty-three years. She has a distinctive therapeutic style that makes use of the silences frustrated couples create. “What’s your sex like?” It’s a question that the therapist knows will cause her subjects to rumble internally and she soaks in their physical and, eventual, verbal reactions. Her experience with marriage and sex goes beyond her practice, it is her life. The most interesting part of the program’s composition, is that May and her husband, Arthur (actor David Selby “Mind of the Married Man” and “Ally McBeal”), the oldest members of this cast of couples, have the best sex in the show. It is intense, creative, and satisfying. May would do no harm to her clients if she shared the secrets of her marriage with them.
While sex does good work in this 10-episode series, it is not as effective as HBO’s promotional department believes it to be. Yes, sex is the draw, the big name that everyone knows. But love is the true star. It is present in the uncertainty each couple wrestles with and also evident in the genuine attempts they make to figure out problems and work things out. Even when sex is present, love shows itself in the spontaneity, the frustration and fear. It is refreshing to see creators of fantasy tackle real life with sincerity and grace.
Writing Sample: Business
Sub-contractors Library Services Orientation:
Dealing with Difficult People at Client-sites
As a sub-contractor you will work with many different people at client sites. Most of your interactions with the client contact and others employed by the client will be professional and pleasant. On occasion, there will be interactions with people that are difficult and tax your ability to be civil. Sub-contractors have reported many problems: being ignored by employees; questioned about their presence at the site, even when wearing appropriate identification; and having work withheld, leading to a decrease in billable hours. Problems with difficult people should be addressed. Ignoring the problem or pretending that it does not exist can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even anger. Working under such conditions may cause poor job performance, which will make our clients unhappy. The following steps will help you devise a strategy for working with difficult people:
Check Your Behavior
It is a good idea to assess your own behavior before initiating discussion about a problem relationship on the job.
Could there be issues with your personal behavior or job performance?
Are there problems with communication?
Have you been in a bad mood lately?
Are you failing to complete tasks as indicated in the client contract?
Once you have identified your role in the problem, simply changing your own behavior could rectify it. If the relationship continues to be difficult, seek assistance from a third party.
Ask For Help
If the person you are having trouble with is not the client contact, discuss the problem with the contact. He or she may be able to provide you with some insight about the person you are having problems with and help you come up with appropriate ways of dealing with that person.
If the difficult person is the designated client contact, discuss the issue with your Supervisor. She will have experience with them and can help you come up with coping skills to resolve the issue.
Coping With the Problem
Focus on the human element. Try to find something in common with the difficult person.
Be complimentary.
Ask questions that will allow the person to teach you something about the tasks you manage, his or her job, or the company itself.
If the person continues to be distant or hostile, steer clear of him or her as often as possible.
Make friends with other people at the site with whom you share common interests.
Keep your client contact and/or your off-site supervisor apprised of the situation, especially if the problem escalates.
You Have a Choice
Your new coping skills may help you continue to work at the site, particularly if you enjoy the assignment and other people who work with you. If, however, you feel you have tried every option and the problem has not been resolved, you may request a new assignment. Depending on staff availability, your skills, and the current needs of our clients, you can be transferred to another site within 1-4 weeks of your request. It is important that you remain polite and professional whether you are staying at the site permanently or working until a new assignment becomes available.
As the face of the agency, sub-contractors develop relationships with clients that secure the company’s continued success. Problems in the field need to be addressed immediately so that satisfactory resolutions can be implemented.
Dealing with Difficult People at Client-sites
As a sub-contractor you will work with many different people at client sites. Most of your interactions with the client contact and others employed by the client will be professional and pleasant. On occasion, there will be interactions with people that are difficult and tax your ability to be civil. Sub-contractors have reported many problems: being ignored by employees; questioned about their presence at the site, even when wearing appropriate identification; and having work withheld, leading to a decrease in billable hours. Problems with difficult people should be addressed. Ignoring the problem or pretending that it does not exist can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even anger. Working under such conditions may cause poor job performance, which will make our clients unhappy. The following steps will help you devise a strategy for working with difficult people:
Check Your Behavior
It is a good idea to assess your own behavior before initiating discussion about a problem relationship on the job.
Could there be issues with your personal behavior or job performance?
Are there problems with communication?
Have you been in a bad mood lately?
Are you failing to complete tasks as indicated in the client contract?
Once you have identified your role in the problem, simply changing your own behavior could rectify it. If the relationship continues to be difficult, seek assistance from a third party.
Ask For Help
If the person you are having trouble with is not the client contact, discuss the problem with the contact. He or she may be able to provide you with some insight about the person you are having problems with and help you come up with appropriate ways of dealing with that person.
If the difficult person is the designated client contact, discuss the issue with your Supervisor. She will have experience with them and can help you come up with coping skills to resolve the issue.
Coping With the Problem
Focus on the human element. Try to find something in common with the difficult person.
Be complimentary.
Ask questions that will allow the person to teach you something about the tasks you manage, his or her job, or the company itself.
If the person continues to be distant or hostile, steer clear of him or her as often as possible.
Make friends with other people at the site with whom you share common interests.
Keep your client contact and/or your off-site supervisor apprised of the situation, especially if the problem escalates.
You Have a Choice
Your new coping skills may help you continue to work at the site, particularly if you enjoy the assignment and other people who work with you. If, however, you feel you have tried every option and the problem has not been resolved, you may request a new assignment. Depending on staff availability, your skills, and the current needs of our clients, you can be transferred to another site within 1-4 weeks of your request. It is important that you remain polite and professional whether you are staying at the site permanently or working until a new assignment becomes available.
As the face of the agency, sub-contractors develop relationships with clients that secure the company’s continued success. Problems in the field need to be addressed immediately so that satisfactory resolutions can be implemented.
Writing Sample: Essay
Our Turn
I’m through with black men. I spent too much of 2007 standing up for them and I’m tired.
I wore black on Sept. 20th in support of the Jena 6 March. I said a quiet, “Thank God,” when Genarlow Wilson, the Georgia man convicted as a teenager for having oral sex with a girl two years his junior, was released from prison. And I forgave Michael Vick after he owned up to his mistake. But when I heard in November of the young black man in Brooklyn, NY being killed by police after threatening his mother, I was done.
There are too many cases; too many incidents of black men putting themselves in situations where they can be mistreated or discriminated against. I can’t stand in support of all of them. And I can’t continue taking my focus away from black women who are being harmed, often fatally, and frequently by the same black men that I champion.
While the black community has united around hate crimes and the unfair treatment of black men by the legal system, we ignore the problem of violence in our own homes. According to the U. S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS), from 1993-2004 nonfatal acts of violence perpetrated by intimate partners was higher for black women than white women. And in 2005 the BJS found that 38% of black female victims were acquainted with their attackers. As black women stand in support of black men, it is important that these same men take note of what is happening to the women beside them.
For the better part of 2007, Americans were distracted by the cases of Vick, Wilson, and the Jena 6. Meanwhile, black women were being raped, beaten, and murdered.
I heard about the rape and torture of the Dunbar Village mother in Florida by a group of black teenagers from a colleague, not through the news. When I found the story online and read the details of the crime, I tried to understand why this happened. It was a useless exercise.
Reading about Megan Williams of West Virginia who was also raped and tortured, but by six white men and women, was almost unbearable. The perpetrators actions were beyond evil.
A few weeks ago I found evidence of this same, senseless evil activity in my own state. A Georgia man was arrested for dismembering his girlfriend and scattering her body parts around Newton County, less than an hour from where I live. Leslyan Williams’ head and torso are still missing and media coverage remains scarce. But Vick’s sentencing hearing sparked the organization of a pray vigil in Atlanta.
Black women choose to march and pray for troubled black men, but when will it be our turn? How long must we wait before civil rights groups organize marches and rallies in protest against the destruction of the mothers of our race? How long before our men step up and lead the charge to re-educate and re-program young black boys in the ways to love and appreciate black women? How long do we wait before the decent black men who know a friend, a brother, or a father who is harming a girlfriend or a wife, intervene to stop the violence?
Press releases concerning Vick and the Jena 6 appear on the National Association of the Advancement of Colored People’s (NAACP) website. There was no mention of the Dunbar Village mom or Megan Williams, but there is encouragement to forgive Vick: “As a society we should aid in his rehabilitation and welcome a new Michael Vick back into the community without a permanent loss of his career in football,” the message read. In a September 10th press release, the NAACP explains its role in coordinating the Jena 6 March.
There was not a march for the Florida mother or the Georgia woman, but there was a march for Megan on November 3, 2007. In a statement released October 4th, Megan’s attorneys called for the Justice Department to “intervene on the Megan Williams’ case if black people are to have any protection under Federal Hate Crime Statutes."
Perhaps the race of her violators is the reason that a march even took place.
The stories of black women affected by violence must be brought to the forefront. We cannot afford for our suffering to remain two lines in the ticker tape at the bottom of a news program.
In Darfur, the brutal assault of women is a war tactic, a strategy for genocide. Wombs are purposefully damaged, often leaving the women disabled or dead.
When women are destroyed, the race, the ethnic group is also destroyed. Who will Black America blame when this happens to us?
I guess as long as Michael Vick gets to play again, it doesn’t really matter.
I’m through with black men. I spent too much of 2007 standing up for them and I’m tired.
I wore black on Sept. 20th in support of the Jena 6 March. I said a quiet, “Thank God,” when Genarlow Wilson, the Georgia man convicted as a teenager for having oral sex with a girl two years his junior, was released from prison. And I forgave Michael Vick after he owned up to his mistake. But when I heard in November of the young black man in Brooklyn, NY being killed by police after threatening his mother, I was done.
There are too many cases; too many incidents of black men putting themselves in situations where they can be mistreated or discriminated against. I can’t stand in support of all of them. And I can’t continue taking my focus away from black women who are being harmed, often fatally, and frequently by the same black men that I champion.
While the black community has united around hate crimes and the unfair treatment of black men by the legal system, we ignore the problem of violence in our own homes. According to the U. S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS), from 1993-2004 nonfatal acts of violence perpetrated by intimate partners was higher for black women than white women. And in 2005 the BJS found that 38% of black female victims were acquainted with their attackers. As black women stand in support of black men, it is important that these same men take note of what is happening to the women beside them.
For the better part of 2007, Americans were distracted by the cases of Vick, Wilson, and the Jena 6. Meanwhile, black women were being raped, beaten, and murdered.
I heard about the rape and torture of the Dunbar Village mother in Florida by a group of black teenagers from a colleague, not through the news. When I found the story online and read the details of the crime, I tried to understand why this happened. It was a useless exercise.
Reading about Megan Williams of West Virginia who was also raped and tortured, but by six white men and women, was almost unbearable. The perpetrators actions were beyond evil.
A few weeks ago I found evidence of this same, senseless evil activity in my own state. A Georgia man was arrested for dismembering his girlfriend and scattering her body parts around Newton County, less than an hour from where I live. Leslyan Williams’ head and torso are still missing and media coverage remains scarce. But Vick’s sentencing hearing sparked the organization of a pray vigil in Atlanta.
Black women choose to march and pray for troubled black men, but when will it be our turn? How long must we wait before civil rights groups organize marches and rallies in protest against the destruction of the mothers of our race? How long before our men step up and lead the charge to re-educate and re-program young black boys in the ways to love and appreciate black women? How long do we wait before the decent black men who know a friend, a brother, or a father who is harming a girlfriend or a wife, intervene to stop the violence?
Press releases concerning Vick and the Jena 6 appear on the National Association of the Advancement of Colored People’s (NAACP) website. There was no mention of the Dunbar Village mom or Megan Williams, but there is encouragement to forgive Vick: “As a society we should aid in his rehabilitation and welcome a new Michael Vick back into the community without a permanent loss of his career in football,” the message read. In a September 10th press release, the NAACP explains its role in coordinating the Jena 6 March.
There was not a march for the Florida mother or the Georgia woman, but there was a march for Megan on November 3, 2007. In a statement released October 4th, Megan’s attorneys called for the Justice Department to “intervene on the Megan Williams’ case if black people are to have any protection under Federal Hate Crime Statutes."
Perhaps the race of her violators is the reason that a march even took place.
The stories of black women affected by violence must be brought to the forefront. We cannot afford for our suffering to remain two lines in the ticker tape at the bottom of a news program.
In Darfur, the brutal assault of women is a war tactic, a strategy for genocide. Wombs are purposefully damaged, often leaving the women disabled or dead.
When women are destroyed, the race, the ethnic group is also destroyed. Who will Black America blame when this happens to us?
I guess as long as Michael Vick gets to play again, it doesn’t really matter.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Writing Sample: Short Article
Rising Gas Prices No longer Invoke Consumer Panic
November 11, 2007
Jonesboro, GA—Record breaking crude oil prices pushed gas in Atlanta to over $3 per gallon this week. While costs outside of the city hovered two cents below this mark, consumers avoided the panic of the initial spike two years ago.
After Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast in 2005, soaring gas prices caused consumers to bombard gas stations across the state.
While drivers still grumble about high gas prices, Edward Levine, night manager for the RaceTrac station in Jonesboro, noted that fuel is something everyone has to buy. “Gas is a necessary evil,” he said. “You’re going to complain, but you’re going to pay it.”
Levine encounters repeat customers who offer general complaints about gas prices, but continue to make weekly and, often, daily purchases. He has noticed fewer people are filling up their tanks, buying just enough to get through the day. “They basically, for lack of a better way to put it, hand to mouth it.”
This getting by attitude has sparked the creation of websites such as www.atlantagasprices.com and www.georgiagasprices.com to assist consumers with the task of hunting down the lowest prices.
Even private and federal agencies are offering drivers tips to stretch their budgets. On their websites, the American Automobile Association (AAA) and the U. S. Department of Energy encourage consumers to maintain their vehicles, reduce speed, and empty trunks of excess baggage.
Although the Energy Information Administration (EIA), the agency reporting energy statistics for the U. S. government, reported crude oil prices at $96.46 per gallon on Wednesday, many consumers continue heeding only a few of the budget saving suggests.
Pamela Spears, wife and mother of two active high school students, said she hasn’t made any major adjustments since prices began easing up two weeks ago. She’s been able to follow her normal routine, which includes limiting extra-curricular activities and taking advantage of discounts at Kroger and Sam’s Club where gas sells for around $.10 less than the price at other gas stations.
Even though Spears drives to work daily and carpooled only briefly after the 2005 surge, she remains cognizant of her gas consumption. “I am very aware of how much driving I will do and where I go.”
The conservationist approach is popular, but according to Levine weekday purchases may be light, “then they get to Friday and they gas it up real big.”
While indulgence in weekend outings is a sign that panic over prices has eased, some consumers weren’t fazed even when prices fluctuated.
“I didn’t panic and run out to put gas in my car,” Michelle Brown, an Administrative Assistant from Atlanta said about the post-Katrina prices. Brown, a single parent, waited out the rush with half a tank of gas.
She remains level-headed about the current rise, and suggested drivers “just turn on the news, read a paper and you’ll see that oil prices are breaking records weekly. This allows you to plan accordingly and make adjustments when necessary.”
November 11, 2007
Jonesboro, GA—Record breaking crude oil prices pushed gas in Atlanta to over $3 per gallon this week. While costs outside of the city hovered two cents below this mark, consumers avoided the panic of the initial spike two years ago.
After Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast in 2005, soaring gas prices caused consumers to bombard gas stations across the state.
While drivers still grumble about high gas prices, Edward Levine, night manager for the RaceTrac station in Jonesboro, noted that fuel is something everyone has to buy. “Gas is a necessary evil,” he said. “You’re going to complain, but you’re going to pay it.”
Levine encounters repeat customers who offer general complaints about gas prices, but continue to make weekly and, often, daily purchases. He has noticed fewer people are filling up their tanks, buying just enough to get through the day. “They basically, for lack of a better way to put it, hand to mouth it.”
This getting by attitude has sparked the creation of websites such as www.atlantagasprices.com and www.georgiagasprices.com to assist consumers with the task of hunting down the lowest prices.
Even private and federal agencies are offering drivers tips to stretch their budgets. On their websites, the American Automobile Association (AAA) and the U. S. Department of Energy encourage consumers to maintain their vehicles, reduce speed, and empty trunks of excess baggage.
Although the Energy Information Administration (EIA), the agency reporting energy statistics for the U. S. government, reported crude oil prices at $96.46 per gallon on Wednesday, many consumers continue heeding only a few of the budget saving suggests.
Pamela Spears, wife and mother of two active high school students, said she hasn’t made any major adjustments since prices began easing up two weeks ago. She’s been able to follow her normal routine, which includes limiting extra-curricular activities and taking advantage of discounts at Kroger and Sam’s Club where gas sells for around $.10 less than the price at other gas stations.
Even though Spears drives to work daily and carpooled only briefly after the 2005 surge, she remains cognizant of her gas consumption. “I am very aware of how much driving I will do and where I go.”
The conservationist approach is popular, but according to Levine weekday purchases may be light, “then they get to Friday and they gas it up real big.”
While indulgence in weekend outings is a sign that panic over prices has eased, some consumers weren’t fazed even when prices fluctuated.
“I didn’t panic and run out to put gas in my car,” Michelle Brown, an Administrative Assistant from Atlanta said about the post-Katrina prices. Brown, a single parent, waited out the rush with half a tank of gas.
She remains level-headed about the current rise, and suggested drivers “just turn on the news, read a paper and you’ll see that oil prices are breaking records weekly. This allows you to plan accordingly and make adjustments when necessary.”
Essay: Goddess Worhip
Originally published by Skirt Magazine September 2007
http://www.skirt.com/node/260
Goddess Worship
In high school they were older than me; thinner with lighter skin and longer hair. They were the most popular juniors and seniors. Goddesses. During my freshman year, when I wasn’t juggling my six classes, show choir, homework, and daily chores at home, I daydreamed about the beauties at my all-black school in southeast Atlanta. I studied every move, envied every perfectly curled strand of hair. I wanted to be each one of the group of five girls that I handpicked to be my personal idols. They were all my direct opposite.
Being a dark-skinned girl living and attending school in an African American-centered community would seem to be the ideal for nurturing self-esteem and belief in one’s own beauty, but when I entered high school in 1985, girls my shade of brown were not “in.” I was ignored by all the boys in my age group and older during the first half of every school year. In the fall and winter my chocolate skin and thick mane, which never really took to hair relaxers, did not equip me with the tools to compete with the café au lait and ecrus who had long, thin hair that reacted enthusiastically to the chemical process and thighs that I would have to starve myself to obtain. When spring bloomed and coats and sweaters were put away, my curvy body attracted attention from boys that it took me years to understand. The goddesses always pulled the top quality guys as well as the wannabes. What I pulled was the occasional cute guy who was only looking to get lucky, the creepy guy no one wanted, and a few in between.
Somewhere in the middle of the spring semester of that first year of high school I decided that the key element of the goddesses that I had a chance at emulating was thinness. That is when I started on the bulimia-exercise track, followed by attempts at anorexia. Fortunately, my mother stepped in and forbade my daily hour-long workouts and shoved sandwiches in my mouth. I resented her, but I am so grateful that she intervened and stopped the full blown eating disorder I was developing. As the high school goddesses graduated and I became an upperclassman, I gained my own brand of popularity. I was part of the academic achievers clique and I performed in every school program. After my senior year, still dark-skinned with only slightly thinner thighs, I was dropped off at a predominately black college in Alabama and found a replacement goddess within the first six months.
My new idol came courtesy of my first husband. His sister was, yes, light-skinned, thin, pretty and popular. Pattern? Well, her hair was short, so that was progress. Even though I was surrounded by many more women of color in every imaginable hue between beige and coal and there was a growing interest in women with my coloring, the lighter end of that range continued to be on my most wanted list. During that time, every move my sister-in-law made—new dress, new haircut, change of lip gloss—had my full attention. She had the thighs I dreamed about and an outgoing personality that my introverted make-up could not twist into. She wasn’t the most brilliant person I’d met on campus, but she always looked great and could talk football; pretty much solidifying her standing with guys. Her brother and family worshiped at her altar with the same dedication as I did.
My husband was so devoted to his sister and mother that he didn’t have much left over for me. When we parted, I was left with a beautiful three-year-old son and a changing outlook. Becoming a mother had unleashed the woman that had been blooming underneath the silly teenager. I was still hung up on my weight, but after having a baby I found it difficult to insult the body that brought the love of my life into the world. I turned to exercise and better eating habits.
It was some time during the years between my marriage at 19 and my son’s second birthday when I was 24 that I saw a picture of the 90s girl group, Zhane. One was dark and the other light-skinned; both were incredibly beautiful. I was drawn to the lighter one, Jean Norris, but not for my usual reasons. Her head was shaved. I wanted that look even though it went against all of my previous desires for hair that flowed down my back, or maybe because of it. Somehow, I knew it would fit me, bringing out my father’s large eyes and my mother’s high cheekbones. It took a while to get up the nerve, but when I finally did shave it, I felt liberated and beautiful for the first time in my life. There was nothing to hide behind. There was just me. Looking in the mirror I realized that I had wasted so much time envying others that I’d missed out on seeing me. I had worshiped so many women that I failed to love who I was.
I decided at a young age that I was the opposite of perfection. I still am, but now I cherish that. Perfection is unattainable, and the concept only exists to drive us crazy. I still worship from my very own pool of goddesses, but now these women are far from flawless. They’ve been through hardships, disappointments and neglect. They’ve raised children and loved men who were both good and bad to them. They’ve shown me how to move when I felt like sitting down and to stand still when I wanted to run. And as exceptional as my new goddesses are in their various shades and shapes, I don’t feel inadequate around them. I feel emboldened and empowered with a rising confidence that one day I will be in a position to give guidance to a young woman whose soul is as lost as mine once was.
http://www.skirt.com/node/260
Goddess Worship
In high school they were older than me; thinner with lighter skin and longer hair. They were the most popular juniors and seniors. Goddesses. During my freshman year, when I wasn’t juggling my six classes, show choir, homework, and daily chores at home, I daydreamed about the beauties at my all-black school in southeast Atlanta. I studied every move, envied every perfectly curled strand of hair. I wanted to be each one of the group of five girls that I handpicked to be my personal idols. They were all my direct opposite.
Being a dark-skinned girl living and attending school in an African American-centered community would seem to be the ideal for nurturing self-esteem and belief in one’s own beauty, but when I entered high school in 1985, girls my shade of brown were not “in.” I was ignored by all the boys in my age group and older during the first half of every school year. In the fall and winter my chocolate skin and thick mane, which never really took to hair relaxers, did not equip me with the tools to compete with the café au lait and ecrus who had long, thin hair that reacted enthusiastically to the chemical process and thighs that I would have to starve myself to obtain. When spring bloomed and coats and sweaters were put away, my curvy body attracted attention from boys that it took me years to understand. The goddesses always pulled the top quality guys as well as the wannabes. What I pulled was the occasional cute guy who was only looking to get lucky, the creepy guy no one wanted, and a few in between.
Somewhere in the middle of the spring semester of that first year of high school I decided that the key element of the goddesses that I had a chance at emulating was thinness. That is when I started on the bulimia-exercise track, followed by attempts at anorexia. Fortunately, my mother stepped in and forbade my daily hour-long workouts and shoved sandwiches in my mouth. I resented her, but I am so grateful that she intervened and stopped the full blown eating disorder I was developing. As the high school goddesses graduated and I became an upperclassman, I gained my own brand of popularity. I was part of the academic achievers clique and I performed in every school program. After my senior year, still dark-skinned with only slightly thinner thighs, I was dropped off at a predominately black college in Alabama and found a replacement goddess within the first six months.
My new idol came courtesy of my first husband. His sister was, yes, light-skinned, thin, pretty and popular. Pattern? Well, her hair was short, so that was progress. Even though I was surrounded by many more women of color in every imaginable hue between beige and coal and there was a growing interest in women with my coloring, the lighter end of that range continued to be on my most wanted list. During that time, every move my sister-in-law made—new dress, new haircut, change of lip gloss—had my full attention. She had the thighs I dreamed about and an outgoing personality that my introverted make-up could not twist into. She wasn’t the most brilliant person I’d met on campus, but she always looked great and could talk football; pretty much solidifying her standing with guys. Her brother and family worshiped at her altar with the same dedication as I did.
My husband was so devoted to his sister and mother that he didn’t have much left over for me. When we parted, I was left with a beautiful three-year-old son and a changing outlook. Becoming a mother had unleashed the woman that had been blooming underneath the silly teenager. I was still hung up on my weight, but after having a baby I found it difficult to insult the body that brought the love of my life into the world. I turned to exercise and better eating habits.
It was some time during the years between my marriage at 19 and my son’s second birthday when I was 24 that I saw a picture of the 90s girl group, Zhane. One was dark and the other light-skinned; both were incredibly beautiful. I was drawn to the lighter one, Jean Norris, but not for my usual reasons. Her head was shaved. I wanted that look even though it went against all of my previous desires for hair that flowed down my back, or maybe because of it. Somehow, I knew it would fit me, bringing out my father’s large eyes and my mother’s high cheekbones. It took a while to get up the nerve, but when I finally did shave it, I felt liberated and beautiful for the first time in my life. There was nothing to hide behind. There was just me. Looking in the mirror I realized that I had wasted so much time envying others that I’d missed out on seeing me. I had worshiped so many women that I failed to love who I was.
I decided at a young age that I was the opposite of perfection. I still am, but now I cherish that. Perfection is unattainable, and the concept only exists to drive us crazy. I still worship from my very own pool of goddesses, but now these women are far from flawless. They’ve been through hardships, disappointments and neglect. They’ve raised children and loved men who were both good and bad to them. They’ve shown me how to move when I felt like sitting down and to stand still when I wanted to run. And as exceptional as my new goddesses are in their various shades and shapes, I don’t feel inadequate around them. I feel emboldened and empowered with a rising confidence that one day I will be in a position to give guidance to a young woman whose soul is as lost as mine once was.
Book Review: Loan Financing Guide for Small Business Owners
Originally published by Independent Professional Book Reviewers December 26, 2006
http://bookreviewers.org/loan_financing_guide_for_small_business_owners.htm
Loan Financing Guide for Small Business Owners
D. Neil Berdiev
Small Business Empowerment Publishing
ISBN 0-9774117-0-2
177 pages
Soft cover
www.loanfinancingguide.com
So, you have finally decided to open that cozy café on the corner or you have been running a dry cleaning service for a year and feel you’re ready to purchase the empty building next door to expand into a coin laundry service. You have a business plan and financial statements at hand and feel assured that you can convince a lender that you deserve the loan that will take your business to the next level. Are you sure about that? If your answer is yes, that means you can respond to the following questions succinctly and openly without hesitation: How much money (the exact amount, not an estimate or range) do you need to borrow? What, specifically, will the money be used for? How quickly will your business be able to repay the loan? Are the answers flowing freely, complete with qualitative documentation in a clear language that any lender can quickly grasp and translate into loan approval? No? Help is available.
Author D. Neil Berdiev, a banker who has worked for Fidelity Investments, Fleet Bank and other financial institutions, has written a practical, straightforward book aimed at educating small business owners about the process of securing financing. Loan Financing Guide for Small Business Owners informs entrepreneurs about all aspects of financing from the types of loan products available, the variety of bank and financing companies to approach, as well as how to present the information that will effectively answer the questions a lender uses to determine if a business is worth the investment and risk required to approve a small business loan.
Berdiev suggests from the start that business owners take an honest, realistic look at their business’ structure including the amount of equity they hold in the company, cash flow history, management, and the risks in their industry. This is the starting point for preparation of a loan application. The Request for Loan Proposal (RLP) is one of the tools the author describes that is used to effectively present a small business in its best light. The RLP helps the business owner translate qualitative desires into quantitative goals. Lenders need to see how a company will handle timely repayment of a loan and Berdiev provides the information and instruments needed to enable the business owner to do just that.
Throughout the book, the author informs the reader about various aspects of lending that should be a part of an owner’s knowledge set. The primary financial statements that lenders need to see are described as well as what the author calls the “five C’s of credit” (character, capacity, capital, collateral, and conditions). Berdiev stresses the importance of being ethical and forthcoming in the presentation of a business’ strengths and weaknesses. He also makes a point of noting that any weaknesses disclosed should be accompanied by a concrete plan to deal with the outlined deficiencies. And it doesn’t end there. Business owners are warned that loan approval does not constitute the end of the financing relationship, because loan agreements include requirements that demand ongoing contact and disclosure between the two parties: “… the moment you sign a loan agreement, you have to play by the lender’s rules outlined in the contract (p.105).”
Loan Financing Guide for Small Business Owners is an essential tool for beginning or seasoned business owners who find themselves in the position of needing debt financing to grow their companies. The book is structured with short, to the point chapters and accompanying appendices that make it useful as a reference book once an initial page by page read through has been completed. To be successful in securing loan financing, every small business owner needs this book.
http://bookreviewers.org/loan_financing_guide_for_small_business_owners.htm
Loan Financing Guide for Small Business Owners
D. Neil Berdiev
Small Business Empowerment Publishing
ISBN 0-9774117-0-2
177 pages
Soft cover
www.loanfinancingguide.com
So, you have finally decided to open that cozy café on the corner or you have been running a dry cleaning service for a year and feel you’re ready to purchase the empty building next door to expand into a coin laundry service. You have a business plan and financial statements at hand and feel assured that you can convince a lender that you deserve the loan that will take your business to the next level. Are you sure about that? If your answer is yes, that means you can respond to the following questions succinctly and openly without hesitation: How much money (the exact amount, not an estimate or range) do you need to borrow? What, specifically, will the money be used for? How quickly will your business be able to repay the loan? Are the answers flowing freely, complete with qualitative documentation in a clear language that any lender can quickly grasp and translate into loan approval? No? Help is available.
Author D. Neil Berdiev, a banker who has worked for Fidelity Investments, Fleet Bank and other financial institutions, has written a practical, straightforward book aimed at educating small business owners about the process of securing financing. Loan Financing Guide for Small Business Owners informs entrepreneurs about all aspects of financing from the types of loan products available, the variety of bank and financing companies to approach, as well as how to present the information that will effectively answer the questions a lender uses to determine if a business is worth the investment and risk required to approve a small business loan.
Berdiev suggests from the start that business owners take an honest, realistic look at their business’ structure including the amount of equity they hold in the company, cash flow history, management, and the risks in their industry. This is the starting point for preparation of a loan application. The Request for Loan Proposal (RLP) is one of the tools the author describes that is used to effectively present a small business in its best light. The RLP helps the business owner translate qualitative desires into quantitative goals. Lenders need to see how a company will handle timely repayment of a loan and Berdiev provides the information and instruments needed to enable the business owner to do just that.
Throughout the book, the author informs the reader about various aspects of lending that should be a part of an owner’s knowledge set. The primary financial statements that lenders need to see are described as well as what the author calls the “five C’s of credit” (character, capacity, capital, collateral, and conditions). Berdiev stresses the importance of being ethical and forthcoming in the presentation of a business’ strengths and weaknesses. He also makes a point of noting that any weaknesses disclosed should be accompanied by a concrete plan to deal with the outlined deficiencies. And it doesn’t end there. Business owners are warned that loan approval does not constitute the end of the financing relationship, because loan agreements include requirements that demand ongoing contact and disclosure between the two parties: “… the moment you sign a loan agreement, you have to play by the lender’s rules outlined in the contract (p.105).”
Loan Financing Guide for Small Business Owners is an essential tool for beginning or seasoned business owners who find themselves in the position of needing debt financing to grow their companies. The book is structured with short, to the point chapters and accompanying appendices that make it useful as a reference book once an initial page by page read through has been completed. To be successful in securing loan financing, every small business owner needs this book.
Book Review: Loca
Originally published by Independent Professional Book Reviewers November 23, 2007
http://bookreviewers.org/loca.htm
Loca
Kristina Freeman
Booklocker.com
ISBN: 978-1-60145-299-3
Soft cover249 pages
In Kristina Freeman’s novel, Loca, a car accident sends a troubled wife and mother into a barren desert and along the Rio Grande in search of safety and the self awareness that will ground her to what is good and solid in her life. Freeman’s writing expresses an intimate knowledge of human frailty and the power of healing.
Addie and Mark Welkin travel to Terlingua, Texas in hopes of re-connecting the bond that has loosened during their marriage. The couple sign up for a three-day canoe trip on the Rio Grande. The physical and mental challenge of the excursion is intended to fortify the pair as a couple and as individuals. Mark likes things to go exactly has he expects them to go every time; he strives to be less restricted and more open on the trip. Addie, who has experienced a loss of self as a result of her day-to-day responsibilities as homemaker and wife, sets goals to relax, to be spontaneous, and to be happy. Lead by Greeley, a native of the area who openly practices his belief in a “spirit guide,” the Welkins explore the United States and Mexico sides of the Rio Grande. During the three days, Addie and Mark argue, laugh, make love, and hope; they rediscover the deep love they share for each other. But, it is on the final day of their vacation (after surviving the canoe trip and the threat of Mexican bandits) that Addie and Mark face unexpected danger.
Freeman takes the reader on a journey in this book. The story zigzags between the present and the recent past. Small pieces of the couple’s life are revealed throughout the book, requiring the reader to collect the information and hold every bit of it near in anticipation of stringing things together at the end. Addie is presented in layers. She is an anxious wreck, a devoted wife and mother, and a woman who needs to find herself: “In her attempts to build a home and life of comfort, she had lost herself. Lost her direction.” The glimpses into Addie’s home life provide insight into the confusion she exhibits during the trip and after the tragic accident that ends the couple’s week of rejuvenation.
Loca is a wonderful, intense story of love and survival.
http://bookreviewers.org/loca.htm
Loca
Kristina Freeman
Booklocker.com
ISBN: 978-1-60145-299-3
Soft cover249 pages
In Kristina Freeman’s novel, Loca, a car accident sends a troubled wife and mother into a barren desert and along the Rio Grande in search of safety and the self awareness that will ground her to what is good and solid in her life. Freeman’s writing expresses an intimate knowledge of human frailty and the power of healing.
Addie and Mark Welkin travel to Terlingua, Texas in hopes of re-connecting the bond that has loosened during their marriage. The couple sign up for a three-day canoe trip on the Rio Grande. The physical and mental challenge of the excursion is intended to fortify the pair as a couple and as individuals. Mark likes things to go exactly has he expects them to go every time; he strives to be less restricted and more open on the trip. Addie, who has experienced a loss of self as a result of her day-to-day responsibilities as homemaker and wife, sets goals to relax, to be spontaneous, and to be happy. Lead by Greeley, a native of the area who openly practices his belief in a “spirit guide,” the Welkins explore the United States and Mexico sides of the Rio Grande. During the three days, Addie and Mark argue, laugh, make love, and hope; they rediscover the deep love they share for each other. But, it is on the final day of their vacation (after surviving the canoe trip and the threat of Mexican bandits) that Addie and Mark face unexpected danger.
Freeman takes the reader on a journey in this book. The story zigzags between the present and the recent past. Small pieces of the couple’s life are revealed throughout the book, requiring the reader to collect the information and hold every bit of it near in anticipation of stringing things together at the end. Addie is presented in layers. She is an anxious wreck, a devoted wife and mother, and a woman who needs to find herself: “In her attempts to build a home and life of comfort, she had lost herself. Lost her direction.” The glimpses into Addie’s home life provide insight into the confusion she exhibits during the trip and after the tragic accident that ends the couple’s week of rejuvenation.
Loca is a wonderful, intense story of love and survival.
Book Review: The Committee by Bill Loucks
Originally published by Independent Professional Book Reviewers January 12, 2008
http://bookreviewers.org/the_committee_man
Fiction/Humor/Self-Help
The Committee: Man's Inner Voices and Who Left The Toilet Seat Up?
Bill Loucks
Burnboat Publishing
ISBN: 978-0-9799719-07
Soft cover233 pages
I wish I had this book before I married, both times. The Committee: Man’s Inner Voices and Who Left the Toilet Seat Up? is the key to understanding how men think and why their behavior is so bizarre in the eyes of the average woman. Author Bill Loucks educates while entertaining and may very well be asked to relinquish his “manhood” card because he reveals so many of the secrets his species holds dear.The book’s protagonist is Bob Johnston, a 47-year-old depressed, functioning alcoholic with a failing business and troubled marriage. When his third wife, Nicole, returns to the job market as Bob struggles to maintain a hold of their once thriving enterprise, he settles into a rut of morning to night drinking and self-pity. While Bob realizes the role he has played in the decline of his financial and personal life, he finds it easier to defer blame, decisions, and actions to his internal Committee: Relationships, Finance, Sex, Guilt, Ego, and Fear. These voices, which often hold exhausting fights inside his head, are given accountability for what has happened and will occur in Bob’s life. This makes things a lot easier, plus Bob won’t lose any points this way. The appearance of a new voice one day after a mildly inebriated Bob hits his head brings this little party of pass-the-buck to a halt, resulting in Bob learning to behave differently in the world.
Robert is Bob’s voice of reason. He makes a point of informing Bob that one voice is what most people have to work with, not the schizophrenic collective that he has corralled. Through interviews with each of the main Committee members (there are also subcommittee members like Self-esteem, which makes the idea of this ensemble even scarier) and a search through Bob’s archive of life experiences (that takes weeks to complete), Robert introduces techniques to assist Bob in taking responsibility for the Committee and his life. Meanwhile, outside of his head, Bob is faced with finding a job (which he does) and adjusting to his wife’s successful venture into real estate (that takes longer, but he gets there). The Committee is often in chaos as the life changes progress. Ego, who is the epitome of the stereotypical cave man, is frequently vocal as is Fear, who manages to agitate all of the Committee members often forcing Bob to ply himself with alcohol to get any sleep at all.
This book should be required reading for all men and a standard bridal shower gift. Loucks illustrates the internal struggles that many men labor with. In addition to popping the hood on the man-machine and providing a slew of crass, male-friendly jokes, Loucks uses tough love to force his main character to look deep inside of the problems he would normally throw into the vault to avoid dealing with them. Bob is challenged repeatedly by Robert and is scared into action: “If you choose to continue down the same path knowing there are other options, you relinquish your right to complain.”
The Committee is brilliant, funny, timely, and effective. It is a story that women can benefit from as well as their men.
Now I’ll be better prepared when husband number three shows up.
http://bookreviewers.org/the_committee_man
Fiction/Humor/Self-Help
The Committee: Man's Inner Voices and Who Left The Toilet Seat Up?
Bill Loucks
Burnboat Publishing
ISBN: 978-0-9799719-07
Soft cover233 pages
I wish I had this book before I married, both times. The Committee: Man’s Inner Voices and Who Left the Toilet Seat Up? is the key to understanding how men think and why their behavior is so bizarre in the eyes of the average woman. Author Bill Loucks educates while entertaining and may very well be asked to relinquish his “manhood” card because he reveals so many of the secrets his species holds dear.The book’s protagonist is Bob Johnston, a 47-year-old depressed, functioning alcoholic with a failing business and troubled marriage. When his third wife, Nicole, returns to the job market as Bob struggles to maintain a hold of their once thriving enterprise, he settles into a rut of morning to night drinking and self-pity. While Bob realizes the role he has played in the decline of his financial and personal life, he finds it easier to defer blame, decisions, and actions to his internal Committee: Relationships, Finance, Sex, Guilt, Ego, and Fear. These voices, which often hold exhausting fights inside his head, are given accountability for what has happened and will occur in Bob’s life. This makes things a lot easier, plus Bob won’t lose any points this way. The appearance of a new voice one day after a mildly inebriated Bob hits his head brings this little party of pass-the-buck to a halt, resulting in Bob learning to behave differently in the world.
Robert is Bob’s voice of reason. He makes a point of informing Bob that one voice is what most people have to work with, not the schizophrenic collective that he has corralled. Through interviews with each of the main Committee members (there are also subcommittee members like Self-esteem, which makes the idea of this ensemble even scarier) and a search through Bob’s archive of life experiences (that takes weeks to complete), Robert introduces techniques to assist Bob in taking responsibility for the Committee and his life. Meanwhile, outside of his head, Bob is faced with finding a job (which he does) and adjusting to his wife’s successful venture into real estate (that takes longer, but he gets there). The Committee is often in chaos as the life changes progress. Ego, who is the epitome of the stereotypical cave man, is frequently vocal as is Fear, who manages to agitate all of the Committee members often forcing Bob to ply himself with alcohol to get any sleep at all.
This book should be required reading for all men and a standard bridal shower gift. Loucks illustrates the internal struggles that many men labor with. In addition to popping the hood on the man-machine and providing a slew of crass, male-friendly jokes, Loucks uses tough love to force his main character to look deep inside of the problems he would normally throw into the vault to avoid dealing with them. Bob is challenged repeatedly by Robert and is scared into action: “If you choose to continue down the same path knowing there are other options, you relinquish your right to complain.”
The Committee is brilliant, funny, timely, and effective. It is a story that women can benefit from as well as their men.
Now I’ll be better prepared when husband number three shows up.
Article: Pennsylvania Woman Fights a Superbug
Originally published January 11, 2008 by Associated Content http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/528091/pennsylvania_woman_fights_clostridium.html
Pennsylvania Woman Fights Clostridium Difficile, a Superbug
Tuesday, September 18, 2007 9:47PM
I can't believe this has been going on since April, but many people in the support group have taken a year or two before being free of this so called "beast." They reassure me that everyone eventually gets over it. My doctor did say today that without prompt treatment people do die from it. The strange thing is that I don't look sick...
Bettie Corbin Tucker is a resident of Baden, Pennsylvania. She is a wife, mother, and grandmother. A former publisher, Tucker is currently a writer, editor, and co-founder of Independent Professional Book Reviewers (www.bookreviewers.org), an online review site. Bettie is also the host to a little known bacterium that has taken command of her life.
I’ve worked with Bettie as a reviewer for over a year, but we’ve never met in person. We have had conversations via email about kids and husbands, news events and the weather at in our corners of the country. In late spring of this year we began discussing the cause of her deteriorating health.
Bettie is battling a "superbug." Clostridium difficile (also known as C. difficile or simply C. diff) is a spore-producing bacterium that, according to the medical journal Nursing Standard, is present in about 3% of the adult population. It is bad flora that usually exists peacefully in the intestines. The problem occurs when C. diff multiplies in the absence of comparable good flora. This imbalance can cause severe diarrhea and stomach pain, colitis, and in some cases, death. It is a consuming, debilitating disease that weakens its victims physically and psychologically. And it can be caused by a pill most of us take to fight an ordinary infection.
“You have a sinus infection and your doctor prescribes an antibiotic—but did you know this could lead to a serious intestinal infection?” This is the lead for a press release posted on the Leigh Valley Hospital and Health Network website. It’s also how Bettie acquired the disease. She began to have symptoms prior to her May 2007 diagnosis, but attributed them to a sinus infection and the antibiotics she was taking to treat it. “At first I had slight nausea, stomach pain, diarrhea, and lower back pain.” Her symptoms became severe: fever between 103 and 104 degrees, intense pain, and bloody elimination. A stool test came back positive for C. diff.
In addition to prolonged use of antibiotics, risk factors for C. diff include extended hospitalization, residence in a nursing home facility, and being over the age of 65. The bacteria are resilient and can live for months on surfaces such as toilet seats, towel racks, and door handles. C. diff is spread when a person touches a contaminated surface and then touches her mouth or nose. In hospitals and nursing home facilities, healthcare workers who fail to use clean gloves or to wash their hands frequently pass the infection from patient to patient.
As Bettie’s infection morphed into the most severe form of C. diff disease (pseudomembranous enterocolitis), she had trouble keeping up with her work. On August 18th, Bettie decided to temporarily shut down the review site. The illness had taken her energy and appetite. Even though the site was technically down for several months, a few writers continued to submit review requests. On good days, Bettie would send out an email asking me to take on one or two of the persistent writers. I always accepted the task and followed up with an inquiry about her condition.
Sunday, August 26, 2007 9:14 AM
All of this from taking two rounds of antibiotics and I think it is ironic that I need an antibiotic to cure it. I’ve had antibiotics many times before and never ran into this, so I guess I understand why they need to be used with caution.
Bettie’s doctors have been treating her illness with two antibiotics: Flagyl and Vancomycin. The strategy involves using the antibiotics for specified lengths of time, stopping the dosage to allow hidden spores to surface, and then taking more of the antibiotics. Bettie’s most severe symptoms have been contained, but not the emotional distress. “Before C. diff, I was a vibrant person, playing with my grandchildren, working non-stop, and enjoying life.” Post- C. diff, Bettie fears recurrence of the illness (She has relapsed? repeatedly since May) and she struggles with depression. “The disease makes me fell ugly, contaminated and as though I have done something wrong to cause it.”
While there are preventive measures, frequent hand washing, cleaning household and hospital surfaces with a bleach mixture, and taking probiotics (supplements with live “good” bacteria) or eating yogurt while on antibiotics, the C. diff bug is becoming more resistant to treatment, making it increasingly difficult for patients like Bettie to recover.
“Recently, health experts are seeing new resistant strains of C. diff that can infect people weeks or months after discharge from the hospital.” Mark Cichocki, RN is a HIV/AIDS nurse specialist with the University of Michigan’s HIV/AIDS Treatment Program and an About.com guide. Cichocki stresses that healthcare professionals use soap and water for hand washing. “Typical hand sanitizers like Purel do not kill the C. diff spores, so if hand sanitizer is all that is being used between patients, C. diff will occur.”
Bettie did not contract C. diff in a hospital, but what she has learned about the disease from her online support group, www.cdiffsupport.com, has become hyper-vigilant about cleanliness. “I pour Clorox over my hands quite often and use disinfectants on doorknobs, computer keys, telephones, etc.” Her efforts portray a woman driven to protect her family from the disease she continues to fight.
She has been off of the medication for three weeks, but Bettie continues to worry about relapse. While she is gaining strength, she is not 100% herself. She can’t babysit her grandchildren on Thursdays and she remains weak from the thirty-pound weight loss. Recent tests for the bacterium have been negative and Bettie is hoping the outcome of an upcoming colonoscopy will follow that trend.
With the information she has gained from her doctors, fellow support group members, and her own experience, Bettie plans to write a book about the disease once she has made a complete recovery. Although it has waned over the months, Bettie’s belief that she will regain control of her life is ever present:
Thursday, September 27, 2007 6:10PM
I think I am doing better…I will defeat this bug. I have good days and bad days, but eventually I will be back to my hundred-mile-an-hour self.
Pennsylvania Woman Fights Clostridium Difficile, a Superbug
Tuesday, September 18, 2007 9:47PM
I can't believe this has been going on since April, but many people in the support group have taken a year or two before being free of this so called "beast." They reassure me that everyone eventually gets over it. My doctor did say today that without prompt treatment people do die from it. The strange thing is that I don't look sick...
Bettie Corbin Tucker is a resident of Baden, Pennsylvania. She is a wife, mother, and grandmother. A former publisher, Tucker is currently a writer, editor, and co-founder of Independent Professional Book Reviewers (www.bookreviewers.org), an online review site. Bettie is also the host to a little known bacterium that has taken command of her life.
I’ve worked with Bettie as a reviewer for over a year, but we’ve never met in person. We have had conversations via email about kids and husbands, news events and the weather at in our corners of the country. In late spring of this year we began discussing the cause of her deteriorating health.
Bettie is battling a "superbug." Clostridium difficile (also known as C. difficile or simply C. diff) is a spore-producing bacterium that, according to the medical journal Nursing Standard, is present in about 3% of the adult population. It is bad flora that usually exists peacefully in the intestines. The problem occurs when C. diff multiplies in the absence of comparable good flora. This imbalance can cause severe diarrhea and stomach pain, colitis, and in some cases, death. It is a consuming, debilitating disease that weakens its victims physically and psychologically. And it can be caused by a pill most of us take to fight an ordinary infection.
“You have a sinus infection and your doctor prescribes an antibiotic—but did you know this could lead to a serious intestinal infection?” This is the lead for a press release posted on the Leigh Valley Hospital and Health Network website. It’s also how Bettie acquired the disease. She began to have symptoms prior to her May 2007 diagnosis, but attributed them to a sinus infection and the antibiotics she was taking to treat it. “At first I had slight nausea, stomach pain, diarrhea, and lower back pain.” Her symptoms became severe: fever between 103 and 104 degrees, intense pain, and bloody elimination. A stool test came back positive for C. diff.
In addition to prolonged use of antibiotics, risk factors for C. diff include extended hospitalization, residence in a nursing home facility, and being over the age of 65. The bacteria are resilient and can live for months on surfaces such as toilet seats, towel racks, and door handles. C. diff is spread when a person touches a contaminated surface and then touches her mouth or nose. In hospitals and nursing home facilities, healthcare workers who fail to use clean gloves or to wash their hands frequently pass the infection from patient to patient.
As Bettie’s infection morphed into the most severe form of C. diff disease (pseudomembranous enterocolitis), she had trouble keeping up with her work. On August 18th, Bettie decided to temporarily shut down the review site. The illness had taken her energy and appetite. Even though the site was technically down for several months, a few writers continued to submit review requests. On good days, Bettie would send out an email asking me to take on one or two of the persistent writers. I always accepted the task and followed up with an inquiry about her condition.
Sunday, August 26, 2007 9:14 AM
All of this from taking two rounds of antibiotics and I think it is ironic that I need an antibiotic to cure it. I’ve had antibiotics many times before and never ran into this, so I guess I understand why they need to be used with caution.
Bettie’s doctors have been treating her illness with two antibiotics: Flagyl and Vancomycin. The strategy involves using the antibiotics for specified lengths of time, stopping the dosage to allow hidden spores to surface, and then taking more of the antibiotics. Bettie’s most severe symptoms have been contained, but not the emotional distress. “Before C. diff, I was a vibrant person, playing with my grandchildren, working non-stop, and enjoying life.” Post- C. diff, Bettie fears recurrence of the illness (She has relapsed? repeatedly since May) and she struggles with depression. “The disease makes me fell ugly, contaminated and as though I have done something wrong to cause it.”
While there are preventive measures, frequent hand washing, cleaning household and hospital surfaces with a bleach mixture, and taking probiotics (supplements with live “good” bacteria) or eating yogurt while on antibiotics, the C. diff bug is becoming more resistant to treatment, making it increasingly difficult for patients like Bettie to recover.
“Recently, health experts are seeing new resistant strains of C. diff that can infect people weeks or months after discharge from the hospital.” Mark Cichocki, RN is a HIV/AIDS nurse specialist with the University of Michigan’s HIV/AIDS Treatment Program and an About.com guide. Cichocki stresses that healthcare professionals use soap and water for hand washing. “Typical hand sanitizers like Purel do not kill the C. diff spores, so if hand sanitizer is all that is being used between patients, C. diff will occur.”
Bettie did not contract C. diff in a hospital, but what she has learned about the disease from her online support group, www.cdiffsupport.com, has become hyper-vigilant about cleanliness. “I pour Clorox over my hands quite often and use disinfectants on doorknobs, computer keys, telephones, etc.” Her efforts portray a woman driven to protect her family from the disease she continues to fight.
She has been off of the medication for three weeks, but Bettie continues to worry about relapse. While she is gaining strength, she is not 100% herself. She can’t babysit her grandchildren on Thursdays and she remains weak from the thirty-pound weight loss. Recent tests for the bacterium have been negative and Bettie is hoping the outcome of an upcoming colonoscopy will follow that trend.
With the information she has gained from her doctors, fellow support group members, and her own experience, Bettie plans to write a book about the disease once she has made a complete recovery. Although it has waned over the months, Bettie’s belief that she will regain control of her life is ever present:
Thursday, September 27, 2007 6:10PM
I think I am doing better…I will defeat this bug. I have good days and bad days, but eventually I will be back to my hundred-mile-an-hour self.
Article: Today's Black Single Mother
Originally published January 11, 2008 by Associated Content http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/528151/todays_black_single_mother_successful.html
Today's Black Single Mother: Successful Examples of Single Parenting
Jonathan is almost two-years-old and he already has his own jungle gym. He can climb on her back and straddle the bridge formed when her feet are propped up on the large ottoman in his family room. And he can take pretend naps on her chest while wrapped in one of his favorite blankets. Jonathan’s living toy is his mother, Michelle, 41, who is raising the active toddler alone.
As Jonathan attempts to wrestle his mother’s attention away from her guest, Michelle, an administrative assistant at a Midtown law firm, recounts a milestone her son’s father was not present for. “He missed Jonathan’s birthday last year, because he had to work. And I was like, that’s not acceptable.”
Jonathan climbs over a sofa into a play pen in the house that his mother owns. Michelle’s dedication to her son’s well-being is expressed in her watchful eyes. “Jonathan is not going to get the short end of the stick.”
Stop Blaming Moms
Attacks from inside and outside of the black community have been hurdled at black single mothers for decades. With 40 percent of black children living in homes headed by single mothers according to the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, this demographic is a big target. Blamed for devaluing fathers and over-nurturing their children, single mothers have also been held accountable for the loss of black boys to crime, drugs, and violence.
In 2000, an article in the Journal of Family Psychology noted that “recent studies of African American populations indicated that children from two-parent homes do better than children from single-parent homes on a variety of social factors.”
No one disputes the positive affect a two-parent home has on a child’s sense of well-being and self-esteem. However, being the product of a single parent home does not doom one to a miserable life.
Other research sited in the Journal of Family Psychology article suggests paternal involvement, especially for boys, has the biggest impact on the success of a child living in a one-parent home.
A consistently involved father, whether he lives with the child or not, makes a difference. But with many African American fathers missing in action, getting men involved with parenting is tough.
In Support of Fatherhood
“People used to say, ‘Oh, I think you and Shawn are going to get back together.’ Not knowing the amount of resentment I have.” Michelle’s six year relationship with her son’s father ended due to conflicting desires. Michelle wanted marriage and children. Shawn, the divorced father of two, was not interested in settling down again. Not even after Michelle became pregnant.
While Shawn did visit Jonathan during his first year, the sporadic contact proved to be a challenge, often leaving the baby in tears. Their relationship has improved over the last twelve months, however, because Michelle has encouraged Shawn’s participation in parenting.
In a press release issued in 1995, Marc Zimmerman, associate professor in the School of Public Health at the University of Michigan stated that single mothers work harder to compensate for the absent parent. Such effort, paired with an available father, evens the playing field for boys being raised by moms.
Zimmerman also commented on the results of a study on African American teenage boys from single parent homes: “…contrary to the stereotype, adolescents living with single mothers were no more likely to use alcohol and drugs, engage in delinquency, or drop out of school than those in other household constellations.”
Single Motherhood vs. Married Motherhood
Robert B. Hill, a sociologist who has written several articles on the welfare of the black family has offered sentiments similar to Zimmerman’s. In his 1993 report, “Supporting Black Families,” Hill points out that “many one-parent families are more intact or cohesive than many two-parent families.” This assertion is based on child abuse, domestic violence, and runaway statistics that show two-parent homes at risk.
Michelle tells stories of women she knows, long-term friends and family members who have endured their husband’s appalling behavior. These women live with multiple affairs, babies born to mistresses, physical and emotional abuse and subscribe to the philosophy that “a piece of a man is better than no man” to keep their homes intact.
“As much as I think that being a single parent of a child is hard and that they do miss out on a two-parent household, I would rather have Jonathan raised in a happy [home] with a healthy mother.”
Michelle concedes that others may think she is perpetuating the black single mother stereotype as she watches her son cram potato chips into his tiny mouth. But she believes being a solo parent is better than being mistreated by a man and allowing her son to witness that. “There are going to be consequences to all these single family homes, but… which one is worse?”
Self-Worth, Paternal Respect, and Partnerships
“In a single mother headed household, the mom is the leader and must be seen as strong so that boys learn to respect and treat women properly. So, moms must first show [their] boys how to treat women by how they allow men to treat them,” motivational speaker and parent educator Kelly Williams advises.
Williams, a black single mother herself, specializes in educating mothers on raising sons. She is the author of Single Mama Dos and Don’ts and Single Mamahood: Advice and Wisdom for the African American Single Mother. Her website, http://www.singlemamahood.com/, offers parenting tips and encourages moms to not only respect themselves, but the father’s of their children as well.
Williams also insists that abstaining from speaking negatively about a child’s father in his presence is one of the duties of a supportive, self-respecting mother.
Karen, a senior secretary at a major metro-Atlanta hospital, has been a supportive single mom for eight years. Presently, the tall curly-haired thirty-six-year-old is sinking into the pit of the pre-pubescent angst of her son, Nicholas.
While Karen says her son’s attitude is becoming “atrocious,” she maintains control by communicating with her ex-husband, who lives out of state. She makes a point of sharing information about Nicholas’ school work, extra-curricular activities, and misbehavior. And she is open to her ex-husband’s assistance.
“I am not too proud to ask for help when it comes to my child.”
Successful Single Motherhood
Karen and Michelle represent a portion of black single mothers who are rarely considered: Mature women devoted to providing healthy lives for their children. Even though their relationships collapsed, both women have looked beyond their own pain and disappointment to focus on building solid parenting partnerships with the fathers of their children. This is one strategy for successful solo parenting.
Maintaining self-respect is also key. When a mother values herself, she can avoid the clash of maternal low self-esteem and paternal selfishness. With the energy reserve, she can facilitate a highly functioning co-parenting relationship that provides her child with balance comparable to that of a stable two-parent home.
Her success will be evident in her child.
Jonathan falls off of the ottoman then stands. He quietly stares at the two adults awaiting his reaction. The toddler’s brown eyes twinkle with amusement and his full mouth twists into a mischievous smirk. Laughter fills the air as the boy giggles; basking in victory as he claims the full attention of his audience.
His beaming face is that of a happy child who will grow up loving and respecting his single mother and the alliance she is forming with his father.
Today's Black Single Mother: Successful Examples of Single Parenting
Jonathan is almost two-years-old and he already has his own jungle gym. He can climb on her back and straddle the bridge formed when her feet are propped up on the large ottoman in his family room. And he can take pretend naps on her chest while wrapped in one of his favorite blankets. Jonathan’s living toy is his mother, Michelle, 41, who is raising the active toddler alone.
As Jonathan attempts to wrestle his mother’s attention away from her guest, Michelle, an administrative assistant at a Midtown law firm, recounts a milestone her son’s father was not present for. “He missed Jonathan’s birthday last year, because he had to work. And I was like, that’s not acceptable.”
Jonathan climbs over a sofa into a play pen in the house that his mother owns. Michelle’s dedication to her son’s well-being is expressed in her watchful eyes. “Jonathan is not going to get the short end of the stick.”
Stop Blaming Moms
Attacks from inside and outside of the black community have been hurdled at black single mothers for decades. With 40 percent of black children living in homes headed by single mothers according to the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, this demographic is a big target. Blamed for devaluing fathers and over-nurturing their children, single mothers have also been held accountable for the loss of black boys to crime, drugs, and violence.
In 2000, an article in the Journal of Family Psychology noted that “recent studies of African American populations indicated that children from two-parent homes do better than children from single-parent homes on a variety of social factors.”
No one disputes the positive affect a two-parent home has on a child’s sense of well-being and self-esteem. However, being the product of a single parent home does not doom one to a miserable life.
Other research sited in the Journal of Family Psychology article suggests paternal involvement, especially for boys, has the biggest impact on the success of a child living in a one-parent home.
A consistently involved father, whether he lives with the child or not, makes a difference. But with many African American fathers missing in action, getting men involved with parenting is tough.
In Support of Fatherhood
“People used to say, ‘Oh, I think you and Shawn are going to get back together.’ Not knowing the amount of resentment I have.” Michelle’s six year relationship with her son’s father ended due to conflicting desires. Michelle wanted marriage and children. Shawn, the divorced father of two, was not interested in settling down again. Not even after Michelle became pregnant.
While Shawn did visit Jonathan during his first year, the sporadic contact proved to be a challenge, often leaving the baby in tears. Their relationship has improved over the last twelve months, however, because Michelle has encouraged Shawn’s participation in parenting.
In a press release issued in 1995, Marc Zimmerman, associate professor in the School of Public Health at the University of Michigan stated that single mothers work harder to compensate for the absent parent. Such effort, paired with an available father, evens the playing field for boys being raised by moms.
Zimmerman also commented on the results of a study on African American teenage boys from single parent homes: “…contrary to the stereotype, adolescents living with single mothers were no more likely to use alcohol and drugs, engage in delinquency, or drop out of school than those in other household constellations.”
Single Motherhood vs. Married Motherhood
Robert B. Hill, a sociologist who has written several articles on the welfare of the black family has offered sentiments similar to Zimmerman’s. In his 1993 report, “Supporting Black Families,” Hill points out that “many one-parent families are more intact or cohesive than many two-parent families.” This assertion is based on child abuse, domestic violence, and runaway statistics that show two-parent homes at risk.
Michelle tells stories of women she knows, long-term friends and family members who have endured their husband’s appalling behavior. These women live with multiple affairs, babies born to mistresses, physical and emotional abuse and subscribe to the philosophy that “a piece of a man is better than no man” to keep their homes intact.
“As much as I think that being a single parent of a child is hard and that they do miss out on a two-parent household, I would rather have Jonathan raised in a happy [home] with a healthy mother.”
Michelle concedes that others may think she is perpetuating the black single mother stereotype as she watches her son cram potato chips into his tiny mouth. But she believes being a solo parent is better than being mistreated by a man and allowing her son to witness that. “There are going to be consequences to all these single family homes, but… which one is worse?”
Self-Worth, Paternal Respect, and Partnerships
“In a single mother headed household, the mom is the leader and must be seen as strong so that boys learn to respect and treat women properly. So, moms must first show [their] boys how to treat women by how they allow men to treat them,” motivational speaker and parent educator Kelly Williams advises.
Williams, a black single mother herself, specializes in educating mothers on raising sons. She is the author of Single Mama Dos and Don’ts and Single Mamahood: Advice and Wisdom for the African American Single Mother. Her website, http://www.singlemamahood.com/, offers parenting tips and encourages moms to not only respect themselves, but the father’s of their children as well.
Williams also insists that abstaining from speaking negatively about a child’s father in his presence is one of the duties of a supportive, self-respecting mother.
Karen, a senior secretary at a major metro-Atlanta hospital, has been a supportive single mom for eight years. Presently, the tall curly-haired thirty-six-year-old is sinking into the pit of the pre-pubescent angst of her son, Nicholas.
While Karen says her son’s attitude is becoming “atrocious,” she maintains control by communicating with her ex-husband, who lives out of state. She makes a point of sharing information about Nicholas’ school work, extra-curricular activities, and misbehavior. And she is open to her ex-husband’s assistance.
“I am not too proud to ask for help when it comes to my child.”
Successful Single Motherhood
Karen and Michelle represent a portion of black single mothers who are rarely considered: Mature women devoted to providing healthy lives for their children. Even though their relationships collapsed, both women have looked beyond their own pain and disappointment to focus on building solid parenting partnerships with the fathers of their children. This is one strategy for successful solo parenting.
Maintaining self-respect is also key. When a mother values herself, she can avoid the clash of maternal low self-esteem and paternal selfishness. With the energy reserve, she can facilitate a highly functioning co-parenting relationship that provides her child with balance comparable to that of a stable two-parent home.
Her success will be evident in her child.
Jonathan falls off of the ottoman then stands. He quietly stares at the two adults awaiting his reaction. The toddler’s brown eyes twinkle with amusement and his full mouth twists into a mischievous smirk. Laughter fills the air as the boy giggles; basking in victory as he claims the full attention of his audience.
His beaming face is that of a happy child who will grow up loving and respecting his single mother and the alliance she is forming with his father.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Resume
M. B. Levine
mblevine@bellsouth.net
Writing and Editorial Background
Writing: Freelance writer for five years with experience in book reviewing, article, essay, and business writing; author of three novels; experience writing critiques and ghostwriting synopses and query letters.
Business and Corporate Writing: Policy manuals, job descriptions, correspondence, memorandums, and reports.
Research: Business, legal, medical, and academic research using print and electronic sources.
Employment History
Freelance Writer - September 2004 to present, Hampton, Georgia
Write reviews, articles, and essays.
Technical Services Librarian – October 2008 to present, Alston & Bird LLP Atlanta, Georgia
Manage the technical service department of a large law firm; supervise up to five contractors; catalog new materials and database maintenance.
Librarian/Team Lead – June 2006 to October 2008, Cadence Group Atlanta, Georgia
Supervised library paraprofessionals; provided reference and circulation services; and loose-leaf filing in legal, business, and medical libraries.
Scanning Intern—January 2006 to October 2006, Georgia Archives Atlanta, Georgia
Prepared, scanned, and indexed electronic files; conducted quality control checks of uploaded documents.
Library Associate—April 2005 to September 2005, Gwinnett Public Library Lawrenceville, Georgia
Provided reference and reader’s advisory services, processed new books and assisted Volunteer Coordinator.
Care Management Technician—February 2004 to April 2005, GRN Community Service Board Jonesboro, Georgia
Managed mental health records, conducted chart reviews, client interviews and worked directly with counselors to update treatment plans quarterly.
Forensic Assessment Specialist/Counselor—March 3001 to September 2003, Associated Counseling Atlanta, Georgia
Completed diagnostic evaluations of parole, probation, and Department of Family and Children Services populations; facilitated individual counseling, women’s and substance abuse groups.
Education
M.P.W., Chatham University, 2007 to present—Professional Writing
M.S., Drexel University, 2006—Library and Information Science
M.A., Argosy University, 2001—Professional Counseling
B.S., Alabama State University, 1993--Psychology
Memberships: Member, Georgia Writers Association
mblevine@bellsouth.net
Writing and Editorial Background
Writing: Freelance writer for five years with experience in book reviewing, article, essay, and business writing; author of three novels; experience writing critiques and ghostwriting synopses and query letters.
Business and Corporate Writing: Policy manuals, job descriptions, correspondence, memorandums, and reports.
Research: Business, legal, medical, and academic research using print and electronic sources.
Employment History
Freelance Writer - September 2004 to present, Hampton, Georgia
Write reviews, articles, and essays.
Technical Services Librarian – October 2008 to present, Alston & Bird LLP Atlanta, Georgia
Manage the technical service department of a large law firm; supervise up to five contractors; catalog new materials and database maintenance.
Librarian/Team Lead – June 2006 to October 2008, Cadence Group Atlanta, Georgia
Supervised library paraprofessionals; provided reference and circulation services; and loose-leaf filing in legal, business, and medical libraries.
Scanning Intern—January 2006 to October 2006, Georgia Archives Atlanta, Georgia
Prepared, scanned, and indexed electronic files; conducted quality control checks of uploaded documents.
Library Associate—April 2005 to September 2005, Gwinnett Public Library Lawrenceville, Georgia
Provided reference and reader’s advisory services, processed new books and assisted Volunteer Coordinator.
Care Management Technician—February 2004 to April 2005, GRN Community Service Board Jonesboro, Georgia
Managed mental health records, conducted chart reviews, client interviews and worked directly with counselors to update treatment plans quarterly.
Forensic Assessment Specialist/Counselor—March 3001 to September 2003, Associated Counseling Atlanta, Georgia
Completed diagnostic evaluations of parole, probation, and Department of Family and Children Services populations; facilitated individual counseling, women’s and substance abuse groups.
Education
M.P.W., Chatham University, 2007 to present—Professional Writing
M.S., Drexel University, 2006—Library and Information Science
M.A., Argosy University, 2001—Professional Counseling
B.S., Alabama State University, 1993--Psychology
Memberships: Member, Georgia Writers Association
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